Mistake

At one point, the repeated mistakes become deliberate. People say to love is a choice but to hurt someone you claim to love also is. You simply do not lift a heavy cup when you do not want to hold it with both hands.

Reverence

God is God. Let that process for a few seconds… You have been overlooking His authority, power, might, honor, and glory, from everytime He speaks to you, you have been silencing Him down like He’s only one of the voices in your head. He’s God. He’s God. You have been spending your mornings bypassing the time you pretend to devote to Him. You are present before the God of the universe, whom you should be in awe with, in fear and in reverence.

Remember that.

I am persuaded I can now die alone… right now. I feel transparent. My existence is a hoax. It will pain the people around me, sure, but it will die down too. I am but a voyaging probe in the vastness. Even I cannot reach nor see myself anymore.

Outside

It’s between moving in a different spacetime or having another soul following our bodies walking ahead. The process of accumulating words as the world begin to slow, yet our steps does not miss a beat of how it, in real time, turns. What writes in me writes from behind — a clap late, retreated to appreciate or loathe those contained in a tick the universe allows us a mere second to feel. What writes in me is... a white marshmallow.

The Lord does not need any preparation, nor any formality, nor a place, nor a specific time to come and call. He can come in the morning, during the service, before and after it, in the bathroom, in school, in your drive to work, in your endeavors for the day, in your walk home, before you lie in bed, as you scroll down or while you try to sleep, and in your dreams. The Lord does not need a designated time from you. The Lord will come when he desires to… and will call at the right moment. And at his right moment.

God’s grace overflows, and you are never too far from its reach. You are never too far for Him.

Moon

Oh to spend the rest of my life with dogs.

Despite knowing I have to get out there, I find it taxing to see other people’s life updates. I keep on assessing myself — am I envious of them? And envious of what? Or is it because it feels as if I am required to react? Why do I feel as if I have no energy to? Why do I think I have to? The cycle goes on, and between the guilt of not knowing what people are up to and the guilt of not knowing how to react, I am confused where to place both my feet. Without the need to dabble on both.

Society exhausts the hell out of me. It sucks we cannot be alone. But then… I am afraid to be alone?

Tax

Maybe I have been dying to love. When I am made to believe I am in need of the consideration it renders permitted — how I will be able to talk when I make sense and I do not, and it will be okay either way. When I slowly march to the center and greet another in consolation. Perhaps I have been dying to love. But I also think I have just been dying to write.